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[please message me first because my canon knowledge is not super exhaustive lmao but I'm willing to try anything!]

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for the amazing @nardil

[paidmoreattention]

[It's been a while since everything went to hell. Chris isn't about to say he's completely forgiven Josh. He's not that fucking stupid.

He does, though, realize that there's a lot more to it than 'just' Josh scaring the shit out of them. Josh still cares about him. Always has. Josh wasn't bullshitting all this time about enjoying Chris' company so he could cut him off at the knees and then laugh at him. Josh has been through a lot, including stuff Chris didn't even know about.

He knows some basics about mental health. Attended a couple classes, done some of his own reading. Someone in a psychotic episode, or someone on exactly the wrong pills, isn't showing their 'real' self. They're not really in control.

So, he cares about Josh, Josh cares about him, and he wants to give Josh some support while he tries to figure out an actual helpful form of treatment.

And, uh. Maybe there are a couple other things, too, that they've, er, advanced on.]

Oh.

[Chris' window's open, he's easily visible on his bed, and there are layers on layers of shadows outside. Chris is really hoping that if someone's out there, it's Josh. And that he'll come inside soon. Because, embarrassingly, Chris isn't gonna last as long as he wants to.]

Shit.

[He twists his fingers over the head of his dick, breathing unevenly.]

[grinreaped]

[ Josh doesn't expect forgiveness or anything resembling redemption. He'll do whatever Chris says to fix things - but it won't entirely work, because it'll be for him and not for himself. Maybe someday he'll learn to care about improving for his own sake. But after a lifetime of not being enough, it was hard to process the idea of acting being considered worth something.

He trusts him enough to go with it, but it doesn't mean he's not waiting through every single moment around him for the hammer to drop. And when he's not in the mines, he's always around him - even when Chris doesn't know it. Because being half of some sort of creature now means he expresses himself through things like following around in the shadows.

He's doing that now. Yeah, he's out there, outside that window. But he's not coming in yet - it's too good a picture to spoil with an interruption from little old him. As the withdrawal goes away and the improper pills fade, he can actually explore sexuality for the first time in his life - and boners might be inconvenient and unwieldy, but he's not going to object to having one now.

So he's outside that window, and he's not coming inside, but that doesn't mean he's not going to be encouraging. He's deliberately slow yet a little rough about how he handles his own situation, and as he dares to touch his own cock, he makes a bit of a show of the sound he makes.

Because he might not be coming inside but he damn well wants him to know he's there and appreciating this. ]

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[They have a lot to work on together. Chris is trying to do his part, trying to be more emotionally aware and less likely to make a stupid joke when someone else is hurting. It's hard.]

J-Josh?

[That was a sound. That definitely sounded like Josh. Damn, Chris wishes he'd come inside, and uh, come inside, but at least he's there.....]

[He's soft and embarrassed] I'm imagining you touching me...

[Another moan as he teases his balls, lets a finger dip down under to play with his entrance. His dick is near weeping with pre-cum.]

[grinreaped]

[ Josh never really minded the stupid jokes, except if they were at his expense. But it's not like he couldn't be callous and careless himself. But he sees the effort, and he's trying in return - doing his damned best never to make decisions for him and allow him his full autonomy. Even if it means accepting someone cares and isn't going to leave just because he's himself.

And that - that's almost too much. He makes a sound that is a verifiable whine, and forgets about touching himself at all for a moment as he presses closer to the window. It would be so easy to slip inside - ]

Yeah? Like how?

[ He doesn't mean to talk. It just happens. ]

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[It's been good. Josh has really been trying, he's really been careful about Chris' anxieties about being controlled.

It is Josh! That whine nearly sends him over the edge-!]

Phew. Here, here on the bed. Kissing me while you play with me.

[He flushes red, easy to see on the pale skin of his face and stomach, where his shirt's rucked up. He's pushed his jeans most of the way down because he doesn't want to get anything stuck in any zipper.

This isn't his first sexual experience, but he hasn't had very many, and it's *Josh*. This really *matters*.]

Want you touching me when I come. If you don't want to... [his teeth catch in his lower lip and he forces himself to slow down for a moment] ...that's okay, I'll imagine it.

[grinreaped]

You can't just say it like that! That's not playing fair.

[ He's not complaining, not really. He's just frustrated, because if he goes in there, he's not exactly going to be on porn star level. Sure, they've indulged a little. But that's all he's ever done, and until recently, he didn't even know what it was like to feel like this.

It's overwhelming. Raw. He's biting down hard on his own lip in some sort of weak attempt to gain self control. ]

Want to touch you, want to make you feel it to your core. Don't think I can handle it.

[ Just like he's still not handling himself anymore. But he has a whim, and he's going to chase it - with permission, of course. ]

Want to take a picture, you're so fucking hot. Can I? Phone's kinda broken but it'll do the job.

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[Chris manages a snort of amusement] I know I'm not. If you really - phew - really want me to stop, I'll get up and go finish in the bathroom.

Oh, God, that's hot, Josh-

Picture? Y-yeah. Go for it.

[He's selfconscious for a moment, then the next pass of his fingers over his dick makes him gasp, exhaling through pursed lips with his eyes closed]

[grinreaped]

It's only hot because you are. Call me inspired. I can't draw you like a French girl, but I take damn good pictures. This'll be my best work yet.

[ So he pulls that phone out and takes a picture, then decides it's not possible to get a good angle from out here. His absolute need to be dedicated to the art of the matter is what makes him bite the bullet, climbing inside. ]

You're not going in that bathroom, you're staying right there. Show me everything and then maybe I'll join you.

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[The wet, slick noises he's making are obscene, but not loud enough to distract from Josh's incredibly hot words and then Josh himself climbing through the window. Chris pauses for a moment, thumb still rubbing across his slit, as he scooches across just enough.]

Damn. Yeah.

Okay, I'm going for it.

[He wants to grab Josh and kiss him soundly, let Josh's mouth swallow the sounds he's about to make, but he can tell himself not yet. This is incredible anyway. Year or so ago, he would've laughed and probably cried at the thought of Josh in his bedroom like this.

He shifts again, mindful of Josh and his camera angles, and squeezes a little more lube into his hand from the tube on his pillow. Then he starts up again, and before long he's gasping in pleasure, spots dancing in his vision.]

[grinreaped]

No way - you sure are.

[ He draws ever so much closer. It's not really required to be on the bed with him for a good picture, but hell if he's not on his knees on the mattress anyway. He manages maybe two photos before he can't control himself anymore. It's a testament to how he's held himself back in so much of his life, that he lasted that long.

He can't decide what to do first, so he doesn't even try. He just moves on pure whim and instinct, and makes it clear Chris isn't the only one thinking about a kiss - he's definitely going in for one. At the same time, he's messy and careless about how he tries to knocking Chris' hand away from himself and replace it with his own.

Fuck not knowing what to do, he's going full speed anyway. ]

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[Chris heaves a surprised sigh of absolute relief as Josh's mouth finds his. He archs up into Josh's hand, grabbing onto Josh's shoulder with his own clean hand.

It's not perfect, because Josh isn't him and hasn't jerked him off a million billion times.

It's also way more than perfect, because Josh is Josh and he wants to get Chris off, and it feels fucking incredible.

He's about to tumble over the edge.]

[grinreaped]

[ He saw enough to be able to imitate the stroke he was using. He just has to assume Chris knows himself, obviously. So he follows the same pace and with a few twists of his hand, he's getting this guy he's loved and adored as long as he can remember, past the point of no return.

When it happens, he looks surprised for a moment, like he can't believe he actually pulled it off. Josh pulls away from the kiss and looks him over, looks at his own hand, covered in fluids. He can't resist the sudden whim to taste it, so he does. ]

...new favorite snack. Hands down, best I've ever had.

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[It's close to what he was doing, but it's also so much better, because it's an unfamiliar hand and he has Josh's weight next to him, and -

Everything explodes, and he cries out.

When the world comes back again, he's lying in bed, Josh above him. He gives a bewildered, satiated smile, then his eyes go wide.]

Holy -

Wow, Josh. Just. Wow.

[Thirty seconds or so for his heart rate to come back down and for his brain to remember how words work again.]

Can I help you?

[grinreaped]

Sure, I'll get a double Whopper with cheese.

[ Sorry, when he's uncomfortable he's an asshole, and that phrasing just called for it. He shouldn't be uncomfortable, but he doesn't really masturbate on his own, some attempts aside, like when he was outside. He doesn't know himself when it comes to pleasure and he could be so unattractive.

But he wants it anyway, he wants him. He takes a moment to just breath and swallow. ]

Yeah. You better.

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Wha-?

Oh. [Chris grins suddenly, big and bright, finally connecting the dots.]

Okay. You wanna tell me what to do, or do you want me to explore?

[grinreaped]

[ Yeah, yeah, just ignore him being a smartass, he's perfectly fine with that. But the thing is, he doesn't know how to answer. Both choices are so fucking hot and he's going to melt like an ice cube in the summer.

He decides to go the route that doesn't require him to have a brain. ]

I think you can figure out what to do. If you make it good, I'll reward you after.

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[Fire bad, tree pretty, is about the level of Chris' brain right now. He smiles again, craning up to kiss Josh on the lips.]

I want to do this, idiot. [said with great hypocritical affection, as he finds a box of tissues and wipes off the worst of the mess]

[Then he stands, whips off his shirt and jeans, and pulls up his underwear. It may be stupid. It probably is. It's also about the best combination his brain can manage right now of being contained in the right places and being able to feel Josh's skin in others. He kneels on the bed next to Josh then carefully swings a knee over him, looking at him now and then to gauge if everything's okay.

If there are no signs of discomfort, he'll carefully pull down Josh's fly.]

[grinreaped]

[ And the funny thing is? He's definitely not feeling discomfort, here. He was prepared for it, he expected it - but he can't manage anything but anticipation.

It's probably the way Chris looks above him like that. His hands go to his hips, he can't help it, he doesn't even try to prevent it. ]

I'm hard, right? You can tell me if I'm not getting it up.

[ He is, he can feel it. But he's also learned to doubt his perception of reality. And Chris is the only one he trusts to admit it to.

Because no matter how far away Joshua Washington gets from a grip on reality, Christopher Hartley will always bring him back, and never once judge the process. ]

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[That touch is good. So is the weight of Josh between his thighs, and the heaviness of Josh's cock. Makes him think about the future sometime when Josh might be okay with being ridden. He nods instantly at the question, glad to be able to reassure him about this.

Chris fucking hates that Josh slips in and out of reality, but it's really cool that they've managed to find a way to deal with it that doesn't involve Josh feeling criticized.]

It's good. Nice and hard.

[He pulls the zipper down lower, and traces the outline of Josh's cock underneath.]

Gonna get you out now, see what I can do.

[grinreaped]

[ That day probably won't be today, but it's not like he hasn't dreamed of it. The further they go along this new route for their relationship, the less he sees the bad things - literally. No hallucinating dead sisters or weird pigs for him. He also doesn't sleep, because of whatever Hannah helped turn him into, but that's okay - he doesn't need it. He just stares at a wall when he's supposed to and recharges by only thinking about this man.

So yeah, he's thought about being ridden when his thoughts turn spicy, and so many other things as well. He's had nothing but time to think about it. But right now, he's satisfied with this, he doesn't feel like he has to meet some sort of expectations if he just lets Chris indulge in him a little.

He's barely been touched yet and he's already pressing into it, echoing the whine from earlier. Reality's back and it couldn't be better. ]

Can't wait to see what you come up with.

[paidmoreattention]

[No expectations. Chris'd like him to feel better, in time, and he's pleased that Josh is already feeling better than he was. That's enough. As long as he's enjoying himself now, or tells Chris when he's not, that's perfect.]

[He scooches up into a full kneel, not resting any weight on Josh, to pull down his pants and his underwear enough to let Josh's cock spring free. A soft, happy exhale, then he reaches over to the side for the lube.]

[grinreaped]

[ Okay, but here's the thing, he wants to feel his weight in some way, even if they're not doing that particular act. He doesn't know how to express it, so he just adjusts his grip on his hips to try to encourage him to settle in some way. He doesn't know what's actually possible, he just knows what he wants, and he's going to insist on getting it. ]

... You sound happy. Wanted to see my dick that bad?

[ Bullying (only a little) (softly so) (affectionate)
]

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[There's a gentle tug on his hips, and Chris looks up with a grin.]

Yeah, I did. I like it.

[He settles back down, trying to put his weight on Josh's thighs instead of his knee joints. He wraps his fingers around Josh's length. Kind of possessively, if he's being honest with himself. He plays with it for a few seconds, also reaching underneath to try fondling Josh's balls. It's science. Totally science. Trying to experiment to see if he can figure out some things Josh likes. You gotta experiment when you're a scientist.]

I want to do this a little more, then I'll start properly jerking you off, and I'll lay next to you. That sound okay?

[grinreaped]

[ If you'd told third grade Joshua that he'd end up wanting to do anything with this guy but steal his pogs, he'd have scoffed at you. They became fast friends and now he's -

Well, he hasn't dared to admit it out loud, but he is so completely in love here. It's obvious from every look he gives him, including the one he's giving Chris now. But he's not so blinded by feelings that he's willing to give up what he really wants here. He holds onto his hips more tightly, presses his fingers in, he's the one being possessive now.

But he's also the one who's making embarrassing noises, especially at that little fondling move. Yeah, he likes it a lot. ]

On board for all but the last part. Don't you dare get off me.

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[Chris is just as besotted. It feels right. It's not just the endorphins from one of the best orgasms he's had in a while - it's also that he and Josh are finally clicking again, even after everything.

He meets Josh's eyes with a surprised twinkle in his own.]

Okay, okay. Bossy.

[...there are advantages to being here, including that when Josh comes, he can try something he hasn't done very often. He pours lube into one hand, and massages it into both. Then he starts running his hands along the length of Josh's cock, from base to tip, base to tip, base to tip. Making sure to give his balls a little rub each time.]

Damn, you're beautiful, Josh.